Former Florida State guard Dwayne Bacon, the second-round pick of the Charlotte Hornets in the NBA draft, has probably heard every pun you can come up with. And he probably doesn’t like any of them. But Tom Sorensen doesn’t care. Stephen M. Dowell TNS
Former Florida State guard Dwayne Bacon, the second-round pick of the Charlotte Hornets in the NBA draft, has probably heard every pun you can come up with. And he probably doesn’t like any of them. But Tom Sorensen doesn’t care. Stephen M. Dowell TNS

Tom Talks

Tom Sorensen's off-beat and often biting take on the world of sports

Tom Sorensen

My love affair with sizzling bacon, and sizzling Bacon, and baconsizzling.com

By Tom Sorensen

Correspondent

July 12, 2017 9:27 AM

Dwayne Bacon, whom the Hornets took in the second round of the NBA draft, had an impressive preseason. You could say he’s hot. You could say he sizzles.

It is so tough not to say or write “Bacon sizzles.” So we write it and we say it. And if Bacon continues to sizzle, we’re not going to stop.

I typed Bacon and sizzles into Google. I stopped at the 250th reference to bacon sizzles. Why? Because I like to think that I have some semblance of a social life, that’s why.

I read sentences that included bacon and sizzles in publications and on Internet sites in Australia, Canada, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, Pennsylvania and South Carolina.

I read about Baconpalooza. I read that bacon sizzling is our 15th most soothing sound, one behind an owl hooting and one in front of the sea in a conch shell.

I read about a 109-year-old woman who credits her longevity to sizzling bacon. All you seniors step away from the tofu now.

I read that Kevin Bacon sizzled in “Rear Window” at Connecticut’s Hartford Stage.

I read about a keychain. Tap it and it replicates the sound of bacon sizzling. Does it replicate the sound of a hooting owl? It does not. How do you like me now, owl?

I read about an iPhone with a sizzling bacon alarm.

I read about sizzling bacon candy and sizzling bacon mouthwash.

But the best by far is www.baconsizzling.com. This might be the best website in the history of the world. You will see and hear three pieces of sizzling bacon in a pan. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. The loop lasts 4.93 seconds and repeats itself. Man, some people can run 40 yards in one loop.

I don’t care if you’re a vegan. Ten minutes on the site and you’re be covering your salad with bacon and trying to get a ticket to Connecticut’s Hartford Stage.

I’ll tell you what. The next time Dwayne Bacon goes for 29 points, as he did in a summer league exhibition, I’m going to attempt to write, “Dwayne Bacon played rather well.”

And I’m going to fail.

Tom Sorensen is a retired Charlotte Observer columnist. Sign up for his newsletter, and follow him on Twitter: @tomsorensen

More from this issue of the Tom Talks newsletter:

Never miss a local story.

Sign up today for a free 30 day free trial of unlimited digital access.